End of the Band

There is an easy way to measure exactly how nerdish a hobby is. You can do it by using the girl index. There are a few different indicators in the girl index to look at to put a number on the nerdiness. But first some background:

All hobbies tend to be more or less nerd. Even skydiving and croc wrestling turns nerd if they become to much of a hobby, noone likes to hear the greasy guy talk about his last jump, the huge crocodiles or his last roleplaying session all the time. All hobbies get boring for those not included and it always gets to technical. People who talk about boring technical stuff are by definition Nerds.

But exactly how much nerd are they?

Guys tend to be nerds in much bigger amounts then girls much because you measure nerdiness in how much time the nerd spends with girls. Someone spending a lot of time with how chicks can only be nerd to a certain extent. It doesn’t matter if 50 cents have a huge train model at home because there are chicks in bikinis to drive the trains.

The more girls you can see from where the hobby takes place, the less nerd they guy with the hobby is. If he is a computergeek (like most of us) alone in his room (digital chicks don’t count) he is a complete nerd but if he does it in a flashy office with loads of (female) secretaries he is much less of a nerd. (Wow 3 () in one sentence).

Girl index works like this:

You take the amount of guys doing something (it might be bowhunting, computer hacking or nunchucking) and divide by the number of girls watching. If the number comes out somewhere below 3-4 then the hobby is what we call low-nerd. If the number is above 4 but still finite it is a high-nerd hobby. And, if the number is mathematicly wrong, as in dividing by zero it is a probably Dungeons and Dragons.

Example:

David, Matt and Leroy are playing WoW.

Jessica watches because she has a crush on Leroy.

3 guys / 1 girl = 3 GI

GI stands for Girl index.

A more precise model

As you can see this is not a very precise model, what if the girl is a hag or has acne then the index should be something else. Here are a few more factors to make the index more precise:

Girl has Acne, subtract 1 from Girls

Girl is huge, subtract 1 from Girls

Girl is forced to be there, subtract .5 from Girls

Girl is related to one or more of the guys, subtract .5 from Girls

To improve the model even a bit more you can add the following additions to the formula:

Guys will be refered to as G1 and Girls as G2

G1/(G2*Cup size of bra)-Factors (such as Huge or Acne)

Back to the example with our 3 WoW-Playing Geeks 

David, Matt and Leroy are playing WoW.

Jessica watches because she has a crush on Leroy.

3 / (1*B)-0.5

And the correct answer is:

3/B-0.5 

Fred Frasserts song Barbara Ann performed by the beach boys has a second verse that goes:

Tried Peggy Sue, tried Peggy Sue
Tried Peggy Sue, but I knew she wouldn’t do
Barbara Ann 

What is it really about?

After lots and lots of consideration, weighing the reasons over and over again I have come to the conclusion that it is not about comparing Peggy Sue to Barbara Ann, as in Peggy Sue wouldn’t measure up. The reason for this is it that there is a more exact way of saying this and Fred Frassert is good with sentences, he wouldn’t miss something as obvious as this.

The only valid reason for Fred to write like this is that he wants to push the point that he had sex with Peggy Sue but she just wouldn’t agree to a threesome with Barbara Ann for reasons unknown. It might be that she wasn’t lesbian or even bisexual, we just don’t know. The only thing it is possible from this verse is that Fred Frassert had sex with Peggy Sue and she refused to do a threesome.

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Privacy Policy 

I’ve been active on the net since the beginning, well thats hard for anyone to say but at least I were there before it started, posting and commenting on the Bulletin Board Systems you had to dial with your modem to take part in. I’ve played ASCI games against other dial-up kids before you could think of a global net.

The most important thing I’ve learned about posting things digitally is that EVERYTHING is outright lies. I don’t think I have ever read a blog post or anything in a forum that I don’t consider false. Even major corporations publish the most outrageous crap in their official forums.

There are a couple of reasons for this:

1 They don’t think it matters.

Everyone feels anonymous on the net. They believe they can tell you wathever crap they can think of.

2 They are trolling

Almost everyone is more or less a troll. They just want people to react to their stupid opinions, so they start fabricating.

3 There is no reason not to.

We don’t measure internet success on how truthful information someone publishes. Wikipedia for instance has shitloads of absolute crap and we still consider it a great source of information.

Even this blogpost is filled with lies just to make you raise an eyebrow. Well suck on it: You are being lied to.

A lot of people has written to us wondering about how they should go about shaving their dogs. Shaving dogs can be hard work because they tend to wriggle a lot. It can be quite annoying and you might have to be a few bold shavers to get through with it. One good advice is to sedate the dog, sedated dogs are much easier to handle.

Most dogs enjoy the fresh air once you have gotten them shaved but a few can go a bit weird. I’ve heard examples of dogs running in circles for hours after you have shaved them.

To make sure the dog stays sane after the unwanted hair-removal you can try to let them out as soon as possible. Most dogs adjust better to hairlessness if they can do it outdoors. The shaving might even go unnoticed if you can manage to activate them with games or a good run in the forest or on the streets.

A few just wont adapt, though. The only thing you can do with those that doesn’t adapt is to wait for a couple of weeks for the hair to grow back or simply sell them to some less serious dog owner. It is easy to find someone to buy crazed dogs if you just look a little closer in the yellow pages. Look out for those with a breeders tag because they might just give you away to the authorities.

Shaving Your Cat 

Cat-shaving is much, much easier then shaving dogs. Most cats wont even struggle when you start shaving them and they adapt fairly easy if they aren’t Burma or something similar.

On the other hand it might be a bit hard to keep the cat healthy because they need the fur much more. They might end up in a lot of cat fights all of a sudden and they can quite easy catch a cold.