End of the Band

As you probably know I have written about “My girlfriend will be amazed” and the follow up story “The first reaction“. The stories were about my incredible luck with finding help on the internet. It’s a bit painful to talk about but I actually got a mail with the heading “Your Girlfrind will be amazed!” and I tried their product.

I can tell you that my girlfriend really is pleased but not from the reason or reasons you might suspect. She is pleased because she found another, bigger and better boyfriend. As it turns out the product, even though it was rather expensive and painful, didn’t work very well. The increase in size and productivity didn’t happen even though a temporary swelling did occur. The swelling was (something I found out after a brief encounter with a doctor) a result of small damage to the tissue. As soon as the pain ended, so did the swelling.

I’m never buying anything on the net again.

You will probably complain about this and you will probably do so because you are a right wing American christian. But, I don’t care the least.

My Girlfriend is cheating on me and I know it. Almost every week, once or twice a week she sneaks away for “Meditation class” or “Pottery”. I know that she is really meeting this girl named Sarah. She believes I don’t know but we’ve had a relationship for years. Of course I understand whats going on. One of the reasons I know what’s going on is that this Sarah has told me. She has told me because she is my Girlfriend too. You see, there comes a time in life when Type O Negative is almost always right. My Girlfriends Girlfriend is my Girlfriend too.

You might have read in my last post about the amazing luck and the weird statistical event of almost religious standards. I got a mail from a salesman offering the exact product I was considering just then. What I were looking for was some sort of device or medicin to improve my sexuality. I wasn’t even sure such a device existed until I by sheer luck got this mail at the exact moment I thought of it.

There have been a few requests that I report at least the highlights from the following events and now is the time for that report.

When I first revieved the package I was a bit disappointed, the size of the box was not to convincing. I had been hoping for at least a few feet of a package but it was more like inches. Well, I decided that it’s not the size of the package that determines the quality of the content (even though huge size was promised in the mail). I got the package home by bike (it was delivered to the local post office) and as soon as I got gome I started opening it.

To my confusion the device inside was more or less a pump. The idea was to connect the pump to your privates and start pumping. My first thought was that the guys that sent me the pump must truly be idiots, do they really believe that my trouser snake is inflatable? When I had opened the manual it became clear to me though, the idea wasn’t to pump air into my thing but to evacuate the compartment around it. By decompressing the general area around my willie it would soon expand to a more pleasant size.

Said and done, I started doing as the manual told me to an pumped for a while before I noticed something really unexpected. This operation hurt, it actualy hurt so much I had to discontinue the procedure. For 30 minutes I just sat there with an aching prick wondering what to do. After the half our had passed I realized I had to abandon the whole idea, this was not a course of action available to me.

The girlfriends reactions then?

Well, after telling her about the pump and the work and pains I had gone through she comforted me with the idea that, ok, it’s not really huge but at least it’s red.

Yesterday when I was pondering my lack in manhood (I don’t do this to often) I was thinking, what if there were some sort of a device or pill I could order on the net to improve the size of my gun. Something that could stop me from feeling so frustrated when I think about my toy. I would really like to be astonishing in bed but haven’t been able so far and I didn’t know how to go about finding this device or pill. I considered sending a few mails to some russian companies but I couldn’t for my life find out which.

And suddenly as a gift from God there was a mail in my inbox. You probably think that I’m lying to you when I tell you this because it is so unbelievable. I had actually gotten a mail from a salesman offering exactly the kind of device I wanted. At first I didn’t know what I might find in the mail due to the cryptic title: Very-very magic stick. As soon as I finished reading it I threw myself on the phone to order the Very-very magic stick before they ran out (the kind salesman warned me in the notice that there were only a few left).

How unbelievably lucky is this, was it some sort of 6th sense that made the salesman send the letter to me in the exact moment I was thinking of it.

Based on a true story 

Now it’s up to the courts to decide if it’s illegal to pay for blogposts in Sweden. Or to be more specific publishing payed posts. There is an old law in Sweden saying you can’t advertise without making it certain the reader knows it’s an ad. Paid reviews can in some ways be considered advertising but in others it’s a review.

The internet voices claiming it is legal has this as major argument:

Paying for a review is not the same as telling the blogger what to write. If the blogger can decide to write something nasty about the product/site the review is about then it’s not advertising.

Those saying it’s illegal:

Paying to get something published is obvious advertising.

The problem here is of course as in most other cases, both are more or less right.

George Bush has never been very popular in Europe. Much for his Texas cowboy style of course but also because of his agressive politics concerning the middle east. Who can forget the “Freedom Fries” incident. The gunboat diplomacy of the Bush administration is something that has made us Europeans to consider USA a bad neighborhood the last couple of years. Running around bullying small countries in to submission and sending all men with beards to Guantanamo Bay hasn’t really improved the reputation of the worlds biggest bully.

The news - Dalai Lama

Today much of that changed a little. A bully can be a good thing to have if you manage to get him to do the right thing. Bush has as the first US president met Dalai Lama and even awarded him some sort of a medal. This is a very important step for the people of Tibet and China has already reacted. Recognizing the work of the Lama is in a way saying that China has acted in an illegal way concerning Tibet. No other US President has dared to do this even though it is the right thing to do.

The best part is that by attacking middle east countries for years USA has shown that they aren’t afraid to back their statements with a few Nimitz Classers at any time. China should recognize the pressure Bush is putting on them in the Tibet business. Maybe it’s a good time for the Chinese government to realize Tibet is more trouble than profit now, especially if they want the Olympics to be a success.

Why now?

Has it always been the goal for Bush and his administration to actually be a liberator rather than being the occupying force we can see examples of in Iraq? Or, is this a result of the closer and closer end to Bushs time in the white house, is it time to try and do something good in the world too? Or, is it another one of those accidents he has become so famous for?

Car traffic is one of the biggest accidentareas in our world as it looks today. At least in the western world where we have dramaticly decreased all other forms of accidents the last 50 years. In the more northern parts where we get snow and ice the traffic can be very dangersous nad this is handled in certain ways.  We use plows or salt to remove the snow and ice and we spread a fine layer of sand on our roads. This costs a lot of money.

With tunnels between all the bigger cities, which is indeed a costsome project, we could decrease the maintenance cost a lot, no plowing, salting or sanding needed. This would also decrease the number of accidents a lot since there is no need to build the tunnels so that traffic can cross over from one side to the other. It would also be an area free from pedestrians and cyclists which would again decrease the amount of accidents.

If you think from an enviroment perspective, we could have huge filters on the ventilation system catching all that extra CO2. Theese filters could then be put back in to the ground in dried out oil pockets. Actually putting the CO2 back where it came from.

There are lots of advantages with a nationwide tunnel system but what if it could be done even better?

Imagine that you instead of building the tunnels as straight lines just beneath the ground actually built them as parabolas stretching out downwards.

The advantages of a construction like this might npt be the easiest to see but if you think about it for a while. What f you kept the friction as low as possible in the tunnel by for example lowering the airs pressure? If you would drop a bowling ball in one end of this tunnel it would go almost all the way to the other city. This means that with a minimum of added power you could transport things from one city to the other  simply by pushing them down the tunnel, no oil or electricity added. Yuo will of course need some sort of an engine to move those extra meters in the end that friction will eat but other then that it’s a completely energy free system. You will transport yoursef or the gods that you need to send with the help of gravity insted of fossile fuels.

This is the Crayman, he’s weird

There is an easy way to measure exactly how nerdish a hobby is. You can do it by using the girl index. There are a few different indicators in the girl index to look at to put a number on the nerdiness. But first some background:

All hobbies tend to be more or less nerd. Even skydiving and croc wrestling turns nerd if they become to much of a hobby, noone likes to hear the greasy guy talk about his last jump, the huge crocodiles or his last roleplaying session all the time. All hobbies get boring for those not included and it always gets to technical. People who talk about boring technical stuff are by definition Nerds.

But exactly how much nerd are they?

Guys tend to be nerds in much bigger amounts then girls much because you measure nerdiness in how much time the nerd spends with girls. Someone spending a lot of time with how chicks can only be nerd to a certain extent. It doesn’t matter if 50 cents have a huge train model at home because there are chicks in bikinis to drive the trains.

The more girls you can see from where the hobby takes place, the less nerd they guy with the hobby is. If he is a computergeek (like most of us) alone in his room (digital chicks don’t count) he is a complete nerd but if he does it in a flashy office with loads of (female) secretaries he is much less of a nerd. (Wow 3 () in one sentence).

Girl index works like this:

You take the amount of guys doing something (it might be bowhunting, computer hacking or nunchucking) and divide by the number of girls watching. If the number comes out somewhere below 3-4 then the hobby is what we call low-nerd. If the number is above 4 but still finite it is a high-nerd hobby. And, if the number is mathematicly wrong, as in dividing by zero it is a probably Dungeons and Dragons.

Example:

David, Matt and Leroy are playing WoW.

Jessica watches because she has a crush on Leroy.

3 guys / 1 girl = 3 GI

GI stands for Girl index.

A more precise model

As you can see this is not a very precise model, what if the girl is a hag or has acne then the index should be something else. Here are a few more factors to make the index more precise:

Girl has Acne, subtract 1 from Girls

Girl is huge, subtract 1 from Girls

Girl is forced to be there, subtract .5 from Girls

Girl is related to one or more of the guys, subtract .5 from Girls

To improve the model even a bit more you can add the following additions to the formula:

Guys will be refered to as G1 and Girls as G2

G1/(G2*Cup size of bra)-Factors (such as Huge or Acne)

Back to the example with our 3 WoW-Playing Geeks 

David, Matt and Leroy are playing WoW.

Jessica watches because she has a crush on Leroy.

3 / (1*B)-0.5

And the correct answer is:

3/B-0.5